Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Dear Netflix, Thanks for all the great movies but can you please stop adding one's about pandemics as I'm fully capable of turning on the news. Thanks! 
Psychiatrist – If you’re stuck in an elevator who would you want to be stuck in there with? Me – An elevator repairman.
Ten bucks says next year Planet Fitness uses the slogan “Flatten Your Curve.”
If we are being honest, we all have dated a man/woman that we would feed to a tiger.
The 11th Commandment:...Thou shalt not covid thy neighbor
Then: Teenage girls kept a private diary and got upset if anyone read it. Now: They reveal everything on Facebook and get upset if no one reads it.
People who confuse the word "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
I googled my symptoms into Web Md. Turns out I have Gary Busey .
Tried to make my own hand sanitizer but I think I just made a margarita.
The worst part about working from home is when your coworkers clog the toilet
I feel like I'm watching a tv show called "Lockdown Got Talent" because this lockdown has people thinking they're gym instructors, chefs, dancers, etc...
Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy, so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.
Hate is too powerful an emotion
to waste on somebody
you don't even like.
I've started visiting orgies dressed as a
Ninja-Turtle!
I'm really coming out of my shell these days!
OMG I can't believe I just did that. I called someone without texting first to see if it was ok that I called them. Yikes!!!
Not so great minds also think alike!
My teenage son says that fanny packs are back in style at his high school. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Some girl just asked me out, well she actually told me to get out of my store, but I know what she really meant
I need a vacation that I may or may not ever come back from.
Three things I'm grateful for, 1. Family 2. Friends 3. Caller ID to advoid family and friends. 