Rollen Funny Status Messages

   "Oh, you smoke cigarettes? Don't bother, I'll take myself to the friendzone."

   If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.

   If the only text you receive all day is from your phone company saying that you've exhausted your data for the month, you ugly.

   My daily goal is to change the world one status at a time. (Sigh) this is how single I am.

   X says “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me every time I see a post about that dress or the black coffee jokes.

   I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!

   My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don't want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"

   She lost me at, " I'm going for the Seahawks!"

   She lost me at, "that's cray cray!"

   She lost me at, "I don't watch football."

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I'm driving around the city with out car insurance" Mexican..

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I own a metro phone Mexican."

   All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?

   Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant in 2015.