Mick F Funny Status Messages

   Years ago, my band gigged with a band of morons. The first thing they said to me was, "We're gonna blow you off the stage." I told them, "In that case, right here would be fine."

   I happened upon a KKK rally. I said, "The only races you rednecks recognize are Indy and Daytona."

   Good thing these facebook pokes are cyber based. If they were real and unprotected, I wouldn't have a family, I'd have a city.

   Did you guys ever get the idea while growing up that your parents never really listened to you? One time I asked my mom if I could go outside and watch the solar eclipse and she goes, "Okay, but don't get too close."

   I always polish off a box of Oreos at the Dentists' office right before a cleaning. My last bill was, $2400.00.

   I'm shallow, insecure, narcissistic, schizophrenic, neurotic, sociopathic, and egocentric. I also have a few bad traits.

   Midas' touch, Baby! Uh huh, I gots it! Everything I'm touching is turning to gold today. Oh yeah! Wait. Never mind. F**king Cheetos.

   Facebook's starting to creep me out. I just got a friend request from a woman with the following attached message, "I like you. I like my men like I like my coffee. Freeze dried in a jar kept in the back of the fridge." I clicked "accept". Was that a mist

   I was afraid the first time I went parachuting. The instructor said if I didn't jump, he'd stick his manhood where the sun doesn't shine. I jumped. A little.

   I can't sleep. There's nothing on TV except the Home Shopping Club, so I called 'em. They answer, "Home Shopping Club!" I said, "Hi." They said, "Can we help you?" I go, "Nah, I'm just looking."

   Camping? You want me to go camping? Listen...My idea of "roughing it" is a night at Motel 6 with no cable. ng it

   I can't wait to embark on this wonderfully mysterious, enchantingly romantic journey with you. The entire trip. All the way from, "Hello".....to...... "WTF JUDGE! THE HOUSE, THE CAR, AND PERMANENT ALIMONY TOO????"

   Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

   I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.

   My parents had a weird perspective on raising me. The day they brought me home from the hospital when I was born, they put a sign on my bedroom door: "Checkout Time is 18 years."

   Sometimes, you simply need to walk away from people that weren't who you thought they were...or more importantly, who you wanted them to be.

   Modern music is like Taco Bell. They keep coming up with new things using the same seven ingredients.

   We all could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

   I just made instant coffee in the microwave. I went back in time.

   My girl and I are like oil and vinegar. We have to shake things up to make it work.