BEGO Funny Status Messages

   If Adele, The Weeknd, Drake, and Frank Ocean made an album together. Everyone would be in their deepest feelings.

   Oh you got “Swag”? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

   Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything.

   Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone. 

   The very first photo uploaded to Facebook was a cartoon cat. The second one was probably a duck-face girl.

   Just when you think your day can't get any worse, someone pokes you on Facebook

   I'll let my dog ride with me to the store just to wait in the car for the sole purpose of him not assuming I'm doing something fun every time I leave the house.

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder. 

   Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.

   Experts say caffeine is bad for you, fat is bad you, sugar is bad for you… But don't worry, worrying is also bad for you too

   Sometimes I want to ask certain people, "So you looked in the mirror and thought you looked good enough to go outside?"

   How come you can wear jeans everyday and nobody cares... but you wear a shirt twice in one week and you're suddenly homeless?

   Slut: *Facebook status* describe me with a commercial slogan <3 Me: So easy a caveman could do it.

   Go ahead and play "hard to get"...I'll be over here playing "don't give a s$it"

   Ahh, Subway. It's the only place on Earth where you can force a woman to make you a sandwich and she can't tell you to f$ck off.

   How are you feeling today? Like a tampon. In a good place... At the wrong time.

   You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

   Even if women came with a set of instructions, men would toss them aside without reading them.

   Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life.

   Dad, thanks for forgetting to use a condom and creating the greatest person ever!