Funny Status Messages

   Please, write your comments down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me.

   Look ladies, I'm not a player. I'm just active participant. :0)

   Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

   The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...

   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart.

   37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.

   Who's cruel idea was it to put the 's' in lisp?

   On Gilligan's Island, if the professor could build a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in the boat?

   If Mike Brady was supposed to be this groovy architect, why did he force SIX kids into TWO bedrooms?

   If cocaine were legal, would they sell it in little packages like Sweet N' Low? Would they call it Sweet N' High?

   You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.

   What? Pale anti-social skinny white guys are now considered sexy! Thank you Twilight!!

   Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.

   Captains log,Stardate 3.1415926535 I seem to have a strange urge for Pie today

   If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

   Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents

   Always remember to pillage before you burn.

   You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them until they become afraid and give in.

   am not single, I'm romantically challenged.

   Actually officer, if you factor in the earth's rotation, we were all speeding.