BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I'm not saying she is a slut, but she calls her underwear "ankle warmers"

   Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship?

   Walmart calls them "self-checkouts," I call them "I might not pay for some of this."

   There's always a wild side to an innocent face.

   Put a condom on your heart & f$ck your feelings.

   They say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   On a scale of 1 to 10, how old do you think Sandusky's boyfriend is?

   Don't be in a relationship if you're going to act single...

   When I see "sent from my iphone" I read it as "i'm on the toilet"

   My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.

   How to freak someone out. 1. Find someone on Facebook with the same name as you. 2. Steal their profile picture. 3. Poke them.

   Some of life's best lessons are learned while watching your drunk friends.

   One time I smashed my face into the keyboard and accidentally wrote the 4th Twilight book.

   Favorite alcoholic beverage??? ...the one that has the alcohol in it...

   We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.

   I wish breaking up with someone meant they had to refund all the money you spent on them.

   Bud Light with lime??? What's the primary target demographic for that? Rednecks with scurvy?

   High School Spanish class taught me just enough to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

   If I was a homeless person, I would make a Coinstar costume and just sit outside of grocery stores.

   Ladies, don't wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.