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I wonder if its cold? It would be great if someone would post a temperature related update so I would know. 
so rothlisberger is going back to super bowl....some advice for people of dallas...hide yo kids ..hide yo wife
going ice fishing in my neighbor's fish tank. Yep, its that cold.
Just put my hands in the freezer to warm them up.
If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handling a big tool.
If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy
eating a couch cushion and just found out I'm Oprah's long lost sister!
Just watched Silence of the Lambs again.Buffalo Bill, now there was a man that was comfortable in his own skin..........and yours.
Have to show ID at the Pharmacy to by 6 dollars of OTC cold medicine but I can go to the ABC store and buy a truckload of booze and they won't even card me. Wait a minute, does that mean I'm old. . .... . .
I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
I cheered for the Bears, they lost. I cheered for the Jets, they lost. I'm going to start cheering for al-Qaeda.
I sat down next to my wife and said, "You look so cute when you're concentrating." My wife said, "Will you f-ck off while I'm trying to take a sh*t."
I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.
When someone says to me "I know what you're thinking," I'm so happy, because I have no idea.
I didn't sleep that well last night, there must have been a pea under my mattress.
Nothing makes crazy people happier than having a microphone.
Prank: Get car chalk and write "Just Married" on every car in a Walmart parking lot.
Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.
I love it when people call me at 3 AM. "Hey, are you asleep?" "No, I'm skydiving."
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