bego Funny Status Messages

   It's impossible to ruin our friendship with sex. It was ruined the moment you called it a friendship.

   Hey Facebook, I really don't care that somebody commented on a post that I commented on seven days ago.

   Best Advice: Say NO to Long-distance relationships...absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it makes the penis wander.

   No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand .

   That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!

   LIKE if you found ½ : ¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼½¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼� �¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼¼

   Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there's less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants.”

   The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late.

   I sure do feel a hell of alot more attractive at walmart than I do at the gym...

   There's nothing like celebrating America's independence by spending hundreds of dollars on Chinese fireworks.

   I need to go to Walmart but I can't find my pajamas.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life…also, thank you.

   There are only a few people I can say “You're one of the few friends I enjoy being with more in person than on Facebook.

   When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again.

   Live this day as if it is your last...And if it turns out it isn't, make many apologies tomorrow.

   Hey girl with 40,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the f$ck up.

   There is nothing worse than when the car in front of you stops at a yellow light and you have to get home to take a dump.

   Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible

   That gangsta feeling when you rap your favorite song without messing up.

   Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.