Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I hit a midgets car today. He got out of the car and said, "I am not happy." So I said, "Which one are you?"
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two tips for faster jogging (1) hot guy in front of you; (2) creepy dude behind you
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My right hand just fell asleep but I'm not really in the mood
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:28 by @TheCreep75 Comments (0)  


   messageicon pulled more tail then a slow kid at a petting zoo.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 22:13 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you listen very carefully you can hear Monday sharpen her claws in the distance
←Rate | 03-27-2011 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get offended when others talk while I'm interrupting.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 21:08 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon This weekend is either way too short, or I don't have enough Long in my Island Iced Tea...
←Rate | 03-27-2011 20:56 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 20:46 by Shawnee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know when I take a huge dump its a big relief, is that how Obama feels when he talks?
←Rate | 03-27-2011 20:19 by @TheCreep75 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I start thinking to myself that I want a girlfriend I just turn on The View and put the volume on max. It snaps me back to reality
←Rate | 03-27-2011 20:17 by @TheCreep75 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. after today, I need a xanex or 2..
←Rate | 03-27-2011 16:16 by brandy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hung-over, Adj. Suffering from near death like state, often catatonic and always with a pounding headache. Unbalanced with no sense of humor. Needs total silence and another drink.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 16:10 by Berlin82 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should have an option that says "On the Prowl" for your Relationship Status..." Single "just isn't cutting it .
←Rate | 03-27-2011 14:42 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop Ignoring the Signs of the New World Order
←Rate | 03-27-2011 12:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's Weight-Loss Tip: Use Krazy Glue instead of lipgloss...
←Rate | 03-27-2011 12:21 by Sierota Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”
←Rate | 03-27-2011 12:08 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon dropped it like it was hot but couldn't pick it back up.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering how a flower and several dollar bills ended up in different articles of my clothing last night.....and why a local strip club just called and asked if I wanted to start my first shift tonight.....
←Rate | 03-27-2011 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its almost the time of year when I don't have to worry about leaving footprints in the snow when I'm looking through your window at night.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Googled "Bing" then Asked to find Wikipedia.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 10:20 Comments (0)  



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