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Whenever I walk into my local coffee shop, I like to pretend I'm an outlaw walking into an old west saloon. They love it! 
Left Cocoa Puffs on the Eater Bunnys chair at the mall!
I don't want to be everything to everybody, I just wanna be someThing to somebody.
This page is meant to be funny, can we please keep religion out of this!!
Obama is in town. Traffic is bad. I won't be able to vote for him in 2012 because I'll still be sitting in my car.
They say curiosity killed the cat. Which is true, because "curiosity" is also what I nicknamed my shovel.
I was in a Ross' today. Do they always look like they were just hit by an earthquake?
You call them "bullies." I call them "crusaders against childhood obesity."
Dude, I'm not asking you to know pi to the 50th place, I'm asking you to know who's got right of way at a damn intersection!
when my girlfriend says stop when having sex, thats when it's Hammer Time
90% of the prison poulation believes in God. 90% of The Academy of Sciences are atheists. Personally, I'd rather have the guy in the white lab coat as a bunk mate
Haters are like crickets, you can't see them but you can hear them, and when you walk by them they are quiet.
Dear T-Rex, Brontosaurus, & Velociraptor. Sorry I ran out of space on my Ark for you.... Noah
If you happen to see a bunny laying brown eggs, do not eat them. ITS NOT CHOCOLATE!!!! HAPPY EASTER!!!!
So umm.....Friday. I've been waiting for a while now wondering watcha waiting for?? Rebecca is not gonna introduce you every week now c'mon!
If you are a proud owner or planning on purchasing one of those hippy mobile Smart cars, I have some friendly advice for you.....OMG...F-OFF!!!!
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water... it's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola."
Science ignores any facts that disprove evolution. Nothing scientific about that!
The iPhone- checks my facebook, checks my email, organizes my music, calls my Mom, and now it tracks my whereabouts? It's like having a jealous psycho girlfriend in your pocket.
You know you're high when you look in the mirror ..and your reflection is Charlie Sheen! 