Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson should get hitched... Just sayin.

   So 'Lol' has become the new , 'Yep I have nothing to say'

   What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

   If the Easter Bunny leaves you Jelly Beans, don't eat the brown ones.

   Ok let me see if I have this straight. When counting calories, if you forget to write them down, you don't have to count them, right?

   I'm getting my days events mixed up - Good Friday, Earth Day, Birthdays...I just sent someone a "Good Happy Irthday" message :S

   I can't believe UPS stole the "What can brown do for you?" slogan from Ex-Lax. Ain't that some sh*t?

   wondering,What ever happened to those scientists who said pot kills brain cells?

   Free speech is guaranteed under the U.S constitution. Intelligence is not. Just watch the news.

   The iPhone checks my Facebook, checks my email, organizes my music, calls my Mom, and now it tracks my whereabouts? It's like having a jealous psycho girlfriend in your pocket.

   I'm glad Facebook will never tell you, "Not tonight I have a headache!"

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you'll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   To the 'Jolly Old England' poster - use your spell checker, dimwit.

   Did anybody ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what? I think he also asked for a woop woop

   Nobody understand what anyone else is going through. We could be standing beside someone who is broken and never know

   Just on Facebook to see what's going on, so I won't be surprised by CNN's Breaking News.

   Do you know how many black guys wish they were Steve Nash?!?!?

   Just remember even though it is Earth Day, you should not tie yourself to any trees a bear might come by and eat you, one of the many things I have learned from 1,000 Ways to Die

   So I saw a butterfly with no wings today, I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... It drowned...

   Security stopped me at the airport last night. He said, "Do you mind if we search your luggage?" I said, "It depends, what for?" He said, "Drugs." I said, "In that case, no."