Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hoping to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday.

   Whenever I need a moment to myself, I just go on MySpace.

   Life doesn't change. Only the people in it.

   Whenever I hear a woman say, "I dont need a man" ...all I hear is, "I cant get a man"

   Friends are like underwear.... Some crawl up your butt... Some snap under pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a little twisted... Some are your favorite.Some are cheap & just plain nasty.And some actually do cover your butt

   Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?

   Dear Mario, I wested my childhood just to save your Girlfriend!

   Treat em like ladies - love em like lesbians!

   With the success of "Teen Mom" as well as "16 & Pregnant," MTV is proud to announce their new show "15 & F*cking."

   Tom's may provide shoes for poor kids in Africa but I provide jobs for kids in China by purchasing Nikes. I'm truly the better person.

   NOT FAT! I'M FESTIVELY PLUMP

   Why is it that when a bird flies into a window, everyone feels bad for the bird, but when I walk into a sliding glass door, it's suddenly f*cking hilarious?

   Sarcasm - honesty's drunk uncle.

   If you're talking on your cell phone in a public bathroom, I will flush the toilet over and over so your friend knows *exactly* where you are.

   Props to the radio stations!! I know it must be difficult with the different lengths of songs yet you still manage to sync ur commercials with every other radio station!

   Next time I'm on an elevator with four or more strangers, I'm going to turn around and say, "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here."

   Survival rule #1: You go first.

   2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."

   switched to an electric car but then my electric bill went up......

   just named the skidmarks in my underware"Maria"!.Its kinda like diahrea,but its dried up and the same old crap!