Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Now accepting applications for FWB. Several positions open. Please email me photos and resume.

   The only Royal Crown I'm interested in at 4am is some Crown Royal..

   Twitter was invented to teach women how to communicate silently in 140 characters or less.

   im two short of a three sum. wheres ben&jerry?

   i dont get it? if pandas eat bamboo all the time why are they so fat???

   Wanna feel confident and attractive? Me too! Let's all get drunk!

   I think McGlovin and Obama got their ID at the same place

   The republican party are "carnival barkers"

   Money talks...but all mine ever says is "good-bye."

   Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?

   save a tree...eat a beaver

   OMG! Got an invite to The Royal Wedding! YES! Wait, oh crap, it's for the wedding of Ted and Nancy Royal in Columbus, OH.

   I'm not only a workaholic, I drink at home too.

   It may take a village to raise a child. But it only takes one condom to save them the hassle.

   FACT: If you don't own a suit, you get to stay in your twenties forever.

   It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

   The two big events seem to be the Royal Wedding, and the NFL draft, Why not combine the two and see What postion does William take Kate in the First Round!!

   Have they invented a cure for morning people yet?

   In honor of those who would if they could… I'm going back to bed.

   I can confidently say I'm 150 pounds of solid sexy. Plus 40-50 of squishy stuff.