Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear boys with no shirt in their profile picture, I like your phone. Sincerely, hunny you have no abs

   "I'm in!" - Flynn

   if a comedian is in a wheelchair, is it still stand up comedy? No, but it would still be wheelie funny.

   having people over for dinner. They asked what they could bring, I said dinner,

   You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

   Spelling bee on @espn. Audience full of proud mom's sitting with dad's who'd rather have an illiterate son who could throw a ball

   Use tSpelling bee on ESPN. Audience full of proud mom's sitting with dad's who'd rather have an illiterate son who could throw a ball.

   Walmart is coming to South Africa. Finally I can get in on all the walmart jokes and stuff posted here.

   #AwkwardMoment empty restroom and he comes to the urinal right next to you......(-___-)

   The awkward moment when halfway through telling a story you realize it is pointless.

   I've just finished writing an epic new film series about dyslexic vampires. It's called the Twiglet Saga.

   Dear drivers, unless you have the eyes of a chameleon. Please don't text and drive.

   The thing that I miss the most about being young? Knowing everything.

   Why haven't we seen a photo of Rep. Weiner's backside? Can't have a wiener without a bun.......Right??

   How bored were moths before the light bulb was invented?

   Hide and Seek scores are out! Remote Control: 16. Me: 0

   Thinking about posting a pic of myself in my underwear in support of my congressman Anthony Weiner........

   Don't blame Congressman Weiner. He was hacked by his evil twin Oscar Meyer.....

   Muhammad Ali vs. Michael J. Fox - The Quickest Game of Jenga Ever

   I tripped over the "Hump" in Hump Day and landed face first into Thirsty Thursday. Time to pick myself and my drink up so I can fall into Friday.