Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   was thinking about going into politics but I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife

   BREAKING NEWS: NFL owners and players are meeting today to determine whether I'll have to spend Sundays with my family this fall...

   If ladies could read my thoughts I would get slapped in the face A LOT!!!

   hunting is the only sport where you get to eat your opponent.

   How did Mexico beat the us? All thier players live here..

   I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!

   My heart is staying right where it belong, locked up in it's cage.

   wishes she was as funny in real life as she is on facebook

   Dude whenever I jaywalk I feel like I'm playing a game of frogger x D

   Duude girls don't poop. Period, they just dont!

   I Hate when people say '' Your Cool For Smoking '' , Wtf I'm Cool With Out Smoking

   What did cinderella say when she got to the ball? *Choke*

   Down with OPD (Other People's Drama)

   Ladies, it's not that there are no good men out there. It's just that you turned down 6 of em that wanted a chance to treat you right and chose the a$$hole.

   If you're not ready to die for it, take the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary. – Malcom X

   do me a favor if someone tells you they don't like me , tell them I don't like them either.

   Mission impossible: Living the champagne lifestyle on beer budget.

   trying to figure out how many Sham-Wows I'm gonna need to soak up all the water in my truck after leaving the window down for 2 days...

   I took the pledge and will not text while I am driving because it is dangerous! I may check my email, update my Facebook status, make calls, and add appointments to my calendar, but I will NEVER text while I drive. ;)

   When two confused strangers come together they call it love, and when they fully know and understand each other, they call it breakup.