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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I got a cialis caught in my throat...I've had a stiff neck for 36 hours
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06-12-2011 07:27 by
K-Mac
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The tv show American Pickers ought to be renamed to American Pickers & Hoarders
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06-12-2011 07:26 by
wildflowers
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if I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?
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06-12-2011 05:54 by
Zap
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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06-12-2011 05:24 by
Will
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I'm old enough to know what's right and wrong, but I'm too young to care.
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06-12-2011 05:22 by
Dopey 420
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have you noticed that when somebody in a movie is told to look out the window they never go to the wrong one?
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06-12-2011 05:10 by
ARM
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i am dating this really sweet homeless chic, she just asked me to move out with her
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06-12-2011 02:54
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just looked in the mirror and saw your next boyfriend
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06-12-2011 02:14
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Sometimes I feel like you guys are only my friends for my statuses
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06-12-2011 02:11
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I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.
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06-12-2011 01:33
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Today I'm offering my "Tasting Menu" which is where I open the cans that got lost in the back of my cabinet and say, "Here, taste this."
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06-12-2011 01:22
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feels Ripped Off after having bought this book titled "How to Make a Woman Constantly Happy"..... 469 Blank Pages!! :-/
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06-12-2011 00:23
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The fake laugh you do when you don't understand what somebody just said to you. You're like :D but deep inside you're like o_O
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06-11-2011 23:17
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Just found out it was raining by looking outside. WTF, Facebook? You're supposed to tell me these things first!
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06-11-2011 22:36 by
BEGO
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Just because no one liked your "funny" status the first time you posted doesn't mean you should post it 6 more times.
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06-11-2011 22:34 by
BEGO
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75% of my regrets involve hitting "send".
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06-11-2011 22:30 by
BEGO
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So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
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06-11-2011 21:04
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I don't think I could ever work for Research In Motion (the maker of BlackBerry). How do I tell my parents I got a RIM job?
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06-11-2011 20:10 by
thejoeyhamer
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Those women on the Real Housewives. I'm not sure what's more fake: their personalities or their breasts
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06-11-2011 20:10 by
thejoeyhamer
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Called animal control cause I found a nest outside my window. Never knew those guys were so good at pickin up chicks
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06-11-2011 20:09 by
thejoeyhamer
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