Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The bar was closed when I got there with a sign that said, “The door is alarmed.” I said to myself, “How do you think I feel?”
←Rate | 07-14-2011 22:08 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I laughed, I cried, then laughed, then cried, then laughed, then cried..." -Early reviews for 'The Bi-Polar Express'
←Rate | 07-14-2011 21:32 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 20:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon i think I am going to go plank on my couch...i'll upload pics later
←Rate | 07-14-2011 20:50 by cece Comments (0)  


   messageicon with your looks and my brains, we could totally win a sports radio trivia contest.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 20:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dream: Own a beer company named responsibly. Then all the other beer companies do my advertising for me.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 19:33 by Jimmie Watkins Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it ironic that the Chase Freedom commercial features a guy who keeps getting caught in a metal detector
←Rate | 07-14-2011 19:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you don't want to be a full time daddy put that thing on your pants
←Rate | 07-14-2011 18:28 by 706 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care if people call you the space cowboy, gangster of love or Maurice. I think you're delusional.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 18:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Error 4:04 A.M. no sleep available
←Rate | 07-14-2011 18:16 by Mahdi H Comments (0)  


   messageicon The number one thing I learned on xbox live is, a lot of 12 year olds have slept with my mom.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 18:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I forgot my "smart" phone at home today, and I must say...it's kinda nice!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 17:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 17:04 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forrest Gump taught us a strange life lesson: Be completely unaware of all success you've achieved and you'll own 50% of a billion dollar shrimpin' company.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 15:35 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon The LA Dodgers are so broke, three players tested positive for Top Ramen
←Rate | 07-14-2011 15:29 by KG Comments (0)  


   messageicon Casey Anthony places a call to 911 in fear of her life..... Dispatcher: What is your emergency? CA: Please help me, I have a bunch of people trying to kill me. Dispatcher: Okay Miss Anthony, try to stay calm, an officer will be there in 31 days
←Rate | 07-14-2011 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using a coupon is kind of like playing with your pen!s... At first you're embarrassed... but once the cashier has it in her hand... it's all worth while.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 14:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My curiosity and common sense are arguing again.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 14:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: "Do you know why I stopped you?" Me: "Because... you caught up to me."
←Rate | 07-14-2011 13:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes it feels like the world is a giant bird and I'm just a freshly washed car.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 13:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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