Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 4706 of 5593

   messageicon This status update is from my friend Josiah. He's Amish and never really gets to give a status update : / "Hey, I'm good." ~ Josiah
←Rate | 07-12-2011 16:20 by BGT Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing worse than having to sit through countless worthless commercials is remembering that you're watching a recorded program but not until after watching back to back menopause commercials.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:58 by DooDoo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need some time alone....Gonna go sign in to Myspace
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:45 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon ❒Single ❒Taking ✔Screw that it will only bring me down when I run from Zombies
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whenever you feel powerless, remember that just one single turd of yours can shut down an entire waterpark
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:27 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  


   messageicon I officially give up...lol oh well I guess thats why god gave me hands and man made energizer batteries lol
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd probably get a lot more done if it wasn't for me.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:02 by geez Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people have this amazing ability in life, the ability to still care for people they shouldn't give a damn about, people they have every right to hate because of all the sh*t they have put them through. I am not one of those people!
←Rate | 07-12-2011 14:41 by BAD GUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when they print out a receipt and there's an option for Tip before you put the Total Charge. I'm not going to tip you just because you printed out my receipt!
←Rate | 07-12-2011 14:41 by BRian Comments (0)  


   messageicon .I only ever go where I'm needed, and by needed I mean go where the cookies are.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's an idea, instead of pointing out the faults of others, look in the mirror, find your own faults and start correcting them. That ought to keep you busy for a while you judgmental and hypocritical b*stard.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you hit someone in the rear that you are at automatic fault? If you honk your horn .01 seconds after the light turns green, then I hope you can back up faster than I can.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't believe I had the pleasure of meeting you, I mean I got your friend request, and accepted, greeted you, never heard from you! On the other hand, I do believe I'll have the pleasure of deleting you, that is certain.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the point of the Psychic Hotline if they won't tell me where my other shoe is?!?
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read that the Actor who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter said he is going to become a rapper! .... can we all say Expecto Disapointmento!
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:11 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Either I'm really drunk or you're really hot. The choice is yours.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said, "Let's go get a bucket of parrot."
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:08 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I sense that some one is talking down to me I like to see just how dumb I can act.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess Amish people have to just yell out their status updates... so sad.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 12:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left