Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The phrase "You come in handy" sounds like something an Asian masseuse might say for an extra $50
←Rate | 07-29-2011 21:42 by Brad R. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who else's heart skips for a split second when your girlfriend asks to use your computer?
←Rate | 07-29-2011 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just opened a new tube of pringles - but disappointed - there's only three in there, and they're all tennis ball flavour.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:21 by stuart_matthews Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm not a vegetarian but I eat animals that are
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:16 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you have to ask how much that drink is, you probably shouldn't be drinking it
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:12 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon weird. I was playing mini golf and this angry dude from New Zealand offered to carry my putter and kept swatting my wifes camera out of her hand
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:09 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon my buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:04 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon need to check my wifes license...apparently she changed her name to Princess without telling me
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:02 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have never been a big fan of Mr. Bubble. I find it odd that I'm not allowed to be on a first-name basis with someone who has seen me naked hundreds of times
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there is a good chance my eyes will be red tomorrow
←Rate | 07-29-2011 18:01 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just popped down with my floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, last years Xmas tree. It's the perfect tribute, 5 & a half feet, dead & surrounded by needles.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 17:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-b*tch"
←Rate | 07-29-2011 17:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a drinking problem...I can't afford it
←Rate | 07-29-2011 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have you ever noticed that "lol" looks like some guy frantically waving his hands in the air?
←Rate | 07-29-2011 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon told his mum that the screaming coming from the tv was in fact tennis players grunting when hitting the ball...Don't think she fell for it!
←Rate | 07-29-2011 15:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its a stank fishy smell in the air...the prostitutes must be overheating
←Rate | 07-29-2011 14:51 by joe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am so bored I'm logging in and out of facebook for entertainment!
←Rate | 07-29-2011 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I don't care if it takes 10 years, a war and trillions of dollars, I will find you." - Me about figuring out who unfriended me on Facebook.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 13:47 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying "cool" also means, I don't give a sh!t.
←Rate | 07-29-2011 13:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  



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