Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon LIKE if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 22:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman compliments me on my looks, I assume she's ovulating or something.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 22:19 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a new roll of Bounty paper towels and misplaced them. Does that make me a bounty hunter now?
←Rate | 08-09-2011 21:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom
←Rate | 08-09-2011 20:52 by roxy Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing wrong with being short. You may be the last to know when it rains but you're the first to know when there is a flood.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 20:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy. But rain on a woman wearing a white T-shirt and no bra makes me VERY happy!
←Rate | 08-09-2011 20:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a package says "Easy open" I end up using a knife, scissors, hammer, gun and a lightsaber.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 19:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ghetto Word of the Day: Decide “My boy fronting like he love his girl, but errbody know he got a couple of chicks on decide”.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 19:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...
←Rate | 08-09-2011 18:39 by Rick H. Comments (0)  


   messageicon based on your status updates I've come to the conclusion that you enjoy being miserable and I have no sympathy for you.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 18:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton
←Rate | 08-09-2011 17:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Flexible people are lucky, when they feel a lack of praise, they can bend over and kiss their own asses :P
←Rate | 08-09-2011 16:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drinking and driving is twice the fun in the snow
←Rate | 08-09-2011 16:13 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus
←Rate | 08-09-2011 16:12 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon When stopped by the police and asked if you have any drugs or firearms, it is never a good idea to say, "Why? What do you need?"
←Rate | 08-09-2011 15:48 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Twitter account ✔ Facebook ✔ Google Plus ✔ Youtube ✔ Messenger✔ Skype ✔ "Dude do you have a life?" "OMG!! No, send me the link!" :P
←Rate | 08-09-2011 15:39 by Nithin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Midas' touch, Baby! Uh huh, I gots it! Everything I'm touching is turning to gold today. Oh yeah! Wait. Never mind. F**king Cheetos.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 15:36 by Mick F Comments (1)  


   messageicon That makes about as much sense as a a gay guy in a topless bar
←Rate | 08-09-2011 15:28 by wayne h Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never fall in love with an a$$ man, unless you're prepared to offer him the moon.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 14:49 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like how the package for cotton swabs says don't put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
←Rate | 08-09-2011 14:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  



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