BEGO Funny Status Messages

   No matter how old I get, I think mooning people will always be hilarious.

   My phone dies faster than Chris Brown on stomp the yard.

   Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my whole message.

   What the hell is up with "Fun sized" candy? There is nothing fun about less candy.

   True irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a pull out couch.

   Weed is Illegal” “Yeah, so is the music in your iPod.

   Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden? Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we lived twice?

   It's so hot outside, I bet Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start telemarketing.

   If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.

   Every week almost 30 people die from FDA approved drugs while Marijuana remains illegal with 0 deaths.

   So I made up a new word: Ask-hole; someone who constantly asks for your advise then does the opposite of what you told them.

   Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   Say Hello to my little friend (҂`_´) < ,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ ~~~ • • • \

   There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time'. I am pretty sure it means ‘stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.

   That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

   Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

   The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"

   When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?