Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear fat, I don't need you to cover me. Sincerely muscle.

   If you're always being cheated on in every relationship you get into, then it's clear the problem isn't them. The problem is in your decisions. You're the one picking them.

   Guys...Wanna feel appreciated by your woman? Tighten all the the jar and bottle lids in the house, then leave for a day or two.

   To me women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

   UNDENIABLE FACTS 101: You were born because, your parents had sex.

   I heard you are good at mathematics! Can you replace my X without asking Y?

   Don't love the person who "enjoys" with you. Love the person who "suffers" without you.

   The Red Plastic Cup.... Making you feel like 15 to 24 years old again!

   Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.

   I heard that Steve Jobs was trying to type "I reign as CEO of Apple!" on his iPhone, but the autocorrect got him.

   If I put half as much effort into my relationships as I put into charging my phone I might not die alone...

   I just heard Steve Jobs Resigned from Apple Computers. His last thing to show people today was called a iquit.....

   15% of men see " <3 " as a heart. 85% see " <3 " as a party hat on boobs.

   Saw a lady in line at grocery store... Could tell she was single by the ammount of cat food she bought

   Texting+Facebook=Textbook. So..., I'm studying?

   your shoes so cheap, you click'em three times and you end up in a crackhouse

   hears Gold dropped 104.00 per ounce today...let's start working on the economic bail-out package for Mr. T.

   iWon't make any lame Steve Jobs jokes

   Eminem and Bruno Mars mixed together would a yummy candy bar

   i go through my "friends who are on chat" list and see whose on thinking to myself which ones I would have sex with