Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.

   I heard that Steve Jobs was trying to type "I reign as CEO of Apple!" on his iPhone, but the autocorrect got him.

   If I put half as much effort into my relationships as I put into charging my phone I might not die alone...

   I just heard Steve Jobs Resigned from Apple Computers. His last thing to show people today was called a iquit.....

   15% of men see " <3 " as a heart. 85% see " <3 " as a party hat on boobs.

   Saw a lady in line at grocery store... Could tell she was single by the ammount of cat food she bought

   Texting+Facebook=Textbook. So..., I'm studying?

   your shoes so cheap, you click'em three times and you end up in a crackhouse

   hears Gold dropped 104.00 per ounce today...let's start working on the economic bail-out package for Mr. T.

   iWon't make any lame Steve Jobs jokes

   Eminem and Bruno Mars mixed together would a yummy candy bar

   i go through my "friends who are on chat" list and see whose on thinking to myself which ones I would have sex with

   Most memorable quote by a mother: "Waldo, just where the hell have you been?"

   My list of things that are great: bills, traffic, the NBA lockout, the recession, Obama's plans.... Oh! and sarcasm.

   I don't like bragging, hipsters, but wearing ugly clothes that don't fit was my thing in 3rd grade. Also dumb glasses and bad music.

   Fellas--you CAN be friends with women, but if she's got those eyes that awaken the beast within, then relax and go see a movie by yourself.

   Dear Eminem and Bruno Mars - while I really enjoy your new song, I cant help thinking that a 'Sky Full of Lighters' is pretty much a fire hazard just waiting to happen. Didn't think that one through, did you?

   "Marriage" - Betting someone half your sh!t that you'll love them forever

   a man with a plan. Granted my plan involves beer, strippers and chicken wings but a plan none the less.

   why marry and make one woman happy when you can remain single and make many Women Happy........???