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Fellas: When you go around flash your money, don't get mad when you only attract broke a$$ women who are looking for a handout. 
I like to play mind games, but sometimes I leave my equipment at home.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
DRUNKEN BAR FIGHT. Put the 1st 8 friends at the left of your profile in order... this does not work for moble users...CRAP.
I've managed to keep a plant alive for 6 months now, so obviously I'm ready for a relationship.
.All sexy women should be seen in 3-D...That's my apartment # 3 - D .
Everyone's always competing for the best weight loss plan, I got it right here: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat. #legit
I don't understand why people in movies open doors so slowly to be stealthy. Doors only creak when you do that. I mean, try opening your door really quickly. Not a sound.
Whenever I meet a new girl I shake her hand with my left hand. I wouldn't want her to meet her competition right away.
I have a solution for Health care Reform--cut the politicians pay by 7/8, eliminate their health insurance and tell them to deal with it!
I hate it when I go for a hug, and she goes for a handshake. >:(
Admits that even as an adult, finding an onion ring mixed in with my fast food french fries is exciting.
Today, my wife told me I'm immature. I replied, 'I know you are but what am I?'
My mother never breast fed me. She told me she likes me as a friend.
"Addadictome",,,,,,,,,,,,,You know,, It's a procedure,,,, I think Chaz Bono had it.
Sometimes it's like my wife and I aren't even related.
#CoinStar guaranteed walk of shame for $10 bucks
hey Ladies...I just noticed that I stick my tongue out in concentration when I wipe my butt. It's pretty adorable... still single
Chaz Bono to be on Dancing with the stars: Babe, It's not you babe.
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