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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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my sleep number is 80 proof
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08-31-2011 20:37 by
smeebert
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roses are red, violets are blue, yadda yadda yadda, can we have sex now?
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08-31-2011 20:19
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Blonde: "What do OMG, IDK, IDC, and GTG mean?? Brunette: Oh my God, I don't know, I don't care, and got to go" Blonde: Well, that's a bit rude fine bye
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08-31-2011 20:18 by
abbie
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I keep telling my friends, "Stop being so sexist....don't you know broads hate that?"
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08-31-2011 20:00 by
Mick F
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So you saw my new boyfriend and ask me what happened to my standards? Well duh .. I raised them!!!
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08-31-2011 19:35 by
me
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Cops sent me a picture of me speeding through a red light so I sent them a picture of a check.Cop then sends me a picture of handcuffs.You win !!
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08-31-2011 19:03
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haha to the mosquito's who just bit me, enjoy the hangover tomorrow. haha
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08-31-2011 18:59
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With show after show about it on the History Channel, I'm starting to think the Holocaust might have really happened.
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08-31-2011 18:29 by
Doc Noland
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While eating dinner I dropped food on my napkin by accident and caught myself licking it off. What the hell is wrong with me?
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08-31-2011 18:24
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These new energy saving light bulbs are not all they're cracked up to be. It takes just as much effort to screw them in as the old light bulbs!!!!
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08-31-2011 18:20
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B*I*T*C*H - Babe In Total Control of Herself
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08-31-2011 18:17
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True Beauty = (Woman + Confidence) - Make Up
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08-31-2011 18:11 by
Danmanz
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Only when I'm drinking Jager, think I have the moves like Jagger
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08-31-2011 16:58
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The pain your heart feels when you have your mind set on a shoe and they tell you "We don't have your size"
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08-31-2011 15:58
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#Thinking ...This chick is weird and odd but LORD DOES SHE HAVE A BOD!!
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08-31-2011 15:57
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I started chatting to this plump girl in a bar. "Oh God," she moaned, "You smell amazing. What is it?" "Apple Pies," I said.
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08-31-2011 15:55
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My doctor is a weight loss expert. He removes the fat from my wallet.
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08-31-2011 15:12 by
BEGO
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Sometimes I ask myself “Why me?What have I done to deserve this?” Then, I say to myself, “Oh…right.”
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08-31-2011 15:12 by
BEGO
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Saying “I forgive you” is the kindest way to tell someone: “I still think it's your fault.”
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08-31-2011 15:11 by
BEGO
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Once you go big, you'll never go twig!
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08-31-2011 14:08 by
JennyJenny
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