Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I have the penmanship of a 7-year old arthritic serial killer who's been authorized to write prescriptions.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 09:55 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I got to the part of the job application that asked, "How much money per hr/per yr" I wrote "How much ya got?" because I didn't wanna' sound greedy...
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Presidential Election 2012. Herman Cain Vs. Barack Obama Better known as Cain vs Unable.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:31 by Delores Disenchanted Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever see an ugly woman with 3 or more kids, and wonder to yourself, "Who KEEPS f*cking you?!"
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm waking up early to knock on Jehovah's Witnesses' doors. Gonna ask them if they've accepted Time Warner as their Internet Service Provider.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I make intense eye contact with you as I yawn, I'm basically saying, "This one's for you, you boring motherf*cker."
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just came up with the best idea ever! And it's called going to bed. good night everyone.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:39 by Smart Comments (0)  


   messageicon Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I play this fun game with ladies called "just the tip," where I refuse to pay for anything other than the gratuity at dinner.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some might debate whether waterboarding is torture, but we can all agree leaving burnt popcorn beeping in the office microwave IS torture.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee and having more than two makes you a bouncer!
←Rate | 09-29-2011 06:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the alcohol goes in, the truth comes out.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 06:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 05:48 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon My closest relationship is with my phone.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 05:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your sex manual says, "sex only in beds" you obviously have the Beginner's Edition!
←Rate | 09-29-2011 05:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?
←Rate | 09-29-2011 04:30 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime you tell someone they got a piece of food on the side of their face, they always start wiping the opposite side of where its located....then you just wanna punch them for still not getting it.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 04:28 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 03:24 by stringg38 Comments (0)  



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