Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm thinking of writing a book. "confessions of a sexed up badger". Fictional erotica about a badger losing his virginity to young girl.....

   It's Thursday, which is "Friday Eve" in Optimisian.

   Who's the best at Mud Wrestling... Girls from America or Girls from the UK? Only one way to find out... fiiiggghhhtt!....

   k mmmmmmmmmmmmm,7 3 (OMG, MY CAT WROTE THAT, HE'S A GENIUS.)

   Karaoke is always a great idea before the mic is placed in your hand

   Going to dress up as Maury Povich for Halloween and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.

   Passed out at 9pm. Woke up 10:30pm to sound of wife's vibrator. Went back to sleep.

   In bed and feeling all giggly. Hehe, cupcakes and boobies!

   Hey, what I do in my car at a red light is my business. Even if it technically did get all over the dashboard and the driver in the next car

   Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don't let the balloon touch the floor"

   She wanted something that went from 0 to 300 in 2 secs so I got her a scale...

   If you think your dog can't count, try putting three dog treats in your pocket and then give him only two of them.

   Driving on the highway a guy walking on the side of the road gave me a thumbs up I guess he liked my car.

   It's going to take a lot more than a few “LIKES” on my Facebook page to make me forget what an ass you were in high school.

   Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am The Chosen One.

   "Roses are grey, violets are grey, cars are grey, red is grey, all this sh*t is just grey"-guy failing a color blind test.

   My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :(

   Christmas is my favorite four months of the year.

   Now you no longer need a vision exam at the DMV.......Now EVERY oreintal person will be behind the wheel !!! SMH

   Cop: Sir, did you know that one of your tail lights is burned out? Me: Well......I certainly wouldn't be driving drunk in front of a cop, now would I?! I'll get that fixed right away.......Thanks