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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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"Chicken of the Sea" is both a delicious brand of tuna.. and the best way to insult a pirate.
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09-14-2011 22:01 by
jdpower
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Many years ago, I was kicked out of the Beastie Boys for suggesting that partying was more of a privilege than a right.
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09-14-2011 22:01 by
jdpower
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No one will be making fun of Chaz Bono, when Nancy Grace has a wardrobe malfunction on Dancing with the Stars and her Johnson pops out.
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09-14-2011 22:00 by
jdpower
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A life vest - protects you from drowning. A bullet proof vest - protects from bullets. A sweater vest - protects you from dating.
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09-14-2011 21:57 by
jdpower
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I absolutely hate when people pull onto a highway goin 5mph! Don't be surprised when you have a Ford symbol embedded in the back of your trunk a$$hole!
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09-14-2011 21:26
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I thought of Lady Gaga when I ordered skirt steak.
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09-14-2011 21:10 by
@spunky_design
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Homework: "Do me!" Facebook: "Don`t listen to that slut."
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09-14-2011 20:22
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If you sendme a friend request on FB, and your profile pic is of a vehicle of some sort, I'm going to assume that you're a Transformer.
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09-14-2011 19:47
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Why doesn't Krackel challenge CRUNCH'S supremacy in the chocolate-and- crisped-rice space? Why does Hershey's keep it in the fun size ghetto?
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09-14-2011 19:46
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Putting a pretty shirt over your muffin top does not make you a cupcake
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09-14-2011 19:40 by
migasjoe
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says just because you put high octane in your metro geo doesn't mean you belong in the fast lane.
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09-14-2011 19:33 by
@kraziedavid909
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just because you put hogh octane in your metro geo doesn't mean you belong in the fast lane.
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09-14-2011 19:29 by
@kraziedavid909
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check my math here...but isn't the square root of 69, eight sumthin
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09-14-2011 19:28 by
migasjoe
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Pharmaceutical Generics: Tylenol=acetamophen, Aleve=naproxen, Advil=ibuprofen. Viagara=mycoxafloppin.
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09-14-2011 19:16 by
Mick F
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COUGH! COUGH! Autoerotic asphyxiation is really hard to say five times fast with a belt around your neck.
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09-14-2011 19:03 by
Doc Noland
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What do you say if Chris Brown is your blackjack dealer and you need another card?
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09-14-2011 18:52
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Scared of dying alone? Become a careless bus driver!
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09-14-2011 18:39 by
Aaron
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Chinese couple's wedding night. Time for sex. The bride asks the husband what he wants. He says, "69". She says, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"
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09-14-2011 17:44 by
Mick F
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Going to watch the True Blood finale now. After watching the Tea Party debate, I need to experience something closer to reality
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09-14-2011 16:58 by
SEAN
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When one of us goes down, the rest of us need to come and pick that person up.
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09-14-2011 16:54 by
Lugo
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