Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There would be less drunk driving in the world if Jack In The Box delivered.

   When you wake up the first thing you do is roll over and check your cell phone

   On the way home today rush hr traffic I let 8 people in and got 2 waves.should have a rocket launcher ..just saying..KABOOM

   Whenever I fly and there's a little bit of turbulence, all I can think of is that I'm going to die.

   My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I'm inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.

   wondering if any would notice if I were to put something like... "never on schedule, but always on time."

   I'm going to be staining the fence in our backyard today because that's what you do on vacation when you're awesome.

   I'm not saying she's a hoe.. All I'm saying is she's been on more wieners than Heinz Ketchup

   There are 3 things that drive me nuts in this world...People who think they know it all and people who can't count!!

   real reason Steve Jobs died.....Jesus needed tech support for his iPOD

   what is usualy said to a black man in a 3 piece suit? will the defendant please rise"

   All women have smart genes inside them at one point or another, hower 85% of them spit them back out

   Nothing imroves creativity like a lack of supervision!

   Dear Facebook: Stop being like my Mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with!

   I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my eleven page essay that I swear I didn't make any changes to.!

   Dear Facebook: If I have 62 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends ... it means I don't like them!!! Take a damn hint.

   Dear Math, I'm sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone and move on dude!

   My family's in the Iron and Steel buisness. My mother irons and my father steals.

   Crazy? ya I was Crazy once. So my friends put me in a padded cell, and I went nuts...Nuts? Squirrels like nuts. Squirrels are crazy....Crazy? ya I was Crazy once....

   Frank's Red hot & Oral Sex...Ya I put that $hit on everything....