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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
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09-29-2011 10:48 by
Mick F
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Yes tomorrow is Friday. Big f-ing deal. It happens every week. Deal with it.
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09-29-2011 10:29 by
Bill C.
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Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don't serve breakfast?
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09-29-2011 09:58 by
SuthernFukr
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I have the penmanship of a 7-year old arthritic serial killer who's been authorized to write prescriptions.
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09-29-2011 09:55 by
SuthernFukr
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When I got to the part of the job application that asked, "How much money per hr/per yr" I wrote "How much ya got?" because I didn't wanna' sound greedy...
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09-29-2011 08:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Presidential Election 2012. Herman Cain Vs. Barack Obama Better known as Cain vs Unable.
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09-29-2011 08:31 by
Delores Disenchanted
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Ever see an ugly woman with 3 or more kids, and wonder to yourself, "Who KEEPS f*cking you?!"
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09-29-2011 08:30 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm waking up early to knock on Jehovah's Witnesses' doors. Gonna ask them if they've accepted Time Warner as their Internet Service Provider.
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09-29-2011 08:29 by
Marshall the Great
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If I make intense eye contact with you as I yawn, I'm basically saying, "This one's for you, you boring motherf*cker."
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09-29-2011 08:27 by
Marshall the Great
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There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
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09-29-2011 08:24 by
Marshall the Great
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Just came up with the best idea ever! And it's called going to bed. good night everyone.
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09-29-2011 07:39 by
Smart
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Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment
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09-29-2011 07:32 by
flinnie
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I play this fun game with ladies called "just the tip," where I refuse to pay for anything other than the gratuity at dinner.
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09-29-2011 07:24 by
flinnie
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I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
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09-29-2011 07:21 by
flinnie
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Some might debate whether waterboarding is torture, but we can all agree leaving burnt popcorn beeping in the office microwave IS torture.
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09-29-2011 07:17 by
flinnie
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Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee and having more than two makes you a bouncer!
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09-29-2011 06:26
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When the alcohol goes in, the truth comes out.
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09-29-2011 06:24
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I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
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09-29-2011 05:48 by
Mick F
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My closest relationship is with my phone.
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09-29-2011 05:24
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If your sex manual says, "sex only in beds" you obviously have the Beginner's Edition!
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09-29-2011 05:15
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