Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Wow, I've just noticed that almost all the girls on my Facebook are girls that I've tried to hook up with at one point or another. My Facebook has suddenly become one giant reminder of pure and utter failure. Well played Facebook, well played...
←Rate | 11-01-2011 00:59 by Michek Comments (0)  


   messageicon (-.-) <--- this is my surprised face when I read about Kim's divorce.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't put habanero chili in your KY. Your mate will get quite angry.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 00:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house??
←Rate | 11-01-2011 00:06 by J W Comments (0)  


   messageicon That awkard moment when you wake up your boyfriend in middle of night to say "stop snoring!!!" and you realize that it's the dog and not him.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 23:58 by A.S Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know we are new lovers who hooked up just recently and all but you have to stop calling me at 2 in the morning. Who besides stalkers wants to 'talk' at 2am?
←Rate | 10-31-2011 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon don't you occasionally go through your friends' list and think to yourself: DANG! I'd hit that....... with a truck!
←Rate | 10-31-2011 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so ugly the kids gave me candy when they came to my door.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 22:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't like the way this guy in the mirror is looking at me.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 22:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My check engine light has been on since I was born.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 22:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if family visits tonight dressed as zombies, I just might start palying "resident evil...the wii version"
←Rate | 10-31-2011 22:03 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon watched a bunny hop past me and into bushes and thought "What if I'm supposed to follow it?"
←Rate | 10-31-2011 22:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just shot three vampires and a zombie. You're welcome.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 21:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go ahead, call the cops, lady. I got ten witnesses that'll say your baby kicked me first.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 21:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nipples: Nature's thermometer.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 21:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 90 percent of the pumpkins in America end up as Jack-o-Lantern's.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 20:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If couples who are in love are called "love birds", then couples who always argue should be called "angry birds"
←Rate | 10-31-2011 20:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Melissa Etheridge is single, with four kids by two different chicks. Sounds like someone is ready for the NBA.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 20:43 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here lies Eddie Drake, he stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 20:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dressed up as MySpace for Halloween. Hey why is everyone ignoring me?
←Rate | 10-31-2011 20:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  



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