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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I never feel my day is complete, until one of my fb friends is having a worse day than I. Even if I have to be the cause of it.
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11-09-2011 16:20 by
Marshall the Great
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If I've given you my time & an opportunity & you squandered both, don't question why I'm not in your bed tonight.
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11-09-2011 16:13
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It's not that guys can't find the G-spot; we just like looking for it…a lot.
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11-09-2011 16:03
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I think I was bitten by a radio-active sloth.
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11-09-2011 16:02
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When I was younger I used to have a lot of patience, but now I'm like Michael Jackson's Doctor & I have no patients.
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11-09-2011 16:01
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If I were a dog I'd constantly be thinking "Sure. You can pat me. Whatever. Then you can feed me and maybe later you can pick up my poop".
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11-09-2011 15:59
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I call the bomb squad everytime a package is delivered at work so we can stand outside & bull sh$it the rest of the day.
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11-09-2011 15:53
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Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you are doing the right thing. If you can see Gary Busey doing it, chances are you should not.
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11-09-2011 15:52 by
flinnie
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Kim Kardashian. Kim Bassinger. Kim Chee. I'll take "Things that are edible" for $500 Alex
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11-09-2011 15:41
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how many times can you post the cougar/nittany lion thing. there is three per page! OK, WE GET IT!
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11-09-2011 15:40
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I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off your trees let me know.
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11-09-2011 15:29
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My ex was really into erotic asphyxiation. And by "erotic asphyxiation" I mean he was fat and I couldn't breathe.
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11-09-2011 15:27
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My favourite pastime is planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sitting back to watch the magic unfold.
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11-09-2011 15:26
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Just invented a drink called the LESBIAN. All you do is mix two liquors
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11-09-2011 15:15 by
Marshall the Great
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One of my family members has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's if only I could remember which one!!
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11-09-2011 15:03
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What the hell is everyone's deal with lemons? - Life handing out stuff
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11-09-2011 15:02 by
Marshall the Great
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My girlfriend and I weighed ourselves, then we had sex, and then we weighed ourselves again. Just as I thought... I'm doing all the f*cking work.
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11-09-2011 14:57 by
Marshall the Great
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I thought a friend said, "you should get a life." I replied "F**k you!" He explained that he actually said, "you should get a WIFE." My reply stayed the same.
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11-09-2011 14:49 by
Marshall the Great
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Q)Why do women have foreheads? A)So men have a place to kiss them after a Blow job
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11-09-2011 14:45
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Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs anymore.
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11-09-2011 14:43 by
NATE
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