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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? Its a formality..... Just like two boxers shaking hands before the bloody fight begins....!
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11-11-2011 21:43 by
Pat G
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There is only one perfect wife in the world,,,,,and every neighbor has it !
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11-11-2011 21:42 by
Pat G
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To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
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11-11-2011 21:36 by
Aaron
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The three things I like most about Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Perry; Number 1. He has great hair, number 2. he has great teeth, and number 3. he has.... uhhh, he has..... ummmm, he has.... ohhh crap, I forget! Is it the EPA?
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11-11-2011 21:30 by
Daveb1191
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Teacher: why are you late? Me: why does it matter? you still get paid, right?
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11-11-2011 21:27 by
BEGO
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Talking about me behind my back? That means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.
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11-11-2011 21:24 by
BEGO
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Ladies, if you can't be with your crush... always look fabulous. someday he may wanna be with YOU!
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11-11-2011 21:22 by
BEGO
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Don't stand too close to the heater honey, plastic melts
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11-11-2011 21:17 by
BEGO
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Some people can kill two birds with one stone.... I on the other hand can kill 2 pigs with one bird!
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11-11-2011 21:16 by
BEGO
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The old lady in line at CVS had a stray thread on her sweater. I pulled it and her entire central nervous system unraveled.
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11-11-2011 20:37 by
flinnie
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THUNDERSTICK 5000: Replacing boyfriends since... ummm... gee... (scratches head)... ummm... (Googles)... well, ummmm... way before xbox!
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11-11-2011 19:55
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Why the "McRib" which is made from "McAss" and tastes like "McPuke" is so popular, is beyond my comprehension!
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11-11-2011 17:26 by
totalpackage
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The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine. - Abraham Lincoln
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11-11-2011 17:16 by
IvetaTopal
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A wise man once said: You can't be old & wise, if you were never young & crazy.
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11-11-2011 16:56 by
@dany6814
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If I get a tattoo of a grape, in time when I age, will it gradually transform itself into a raisin?
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11-11-2011 16:51 by
IvetaTopal
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"Danger" is my middle name!! Unfortunately "Stranger" is my first.
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11-11-2011 16:45
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Does anybody know if their is a place hiring someone too stand there and look pretty cuz I have a PhD in that sh*t...
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11-11-2011 16:16 by
bryan j brown
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I like to get paid daily and laid daily. Does anyone know how I can combine the two?
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11-11-2011 16:07 by
SuthernFukr
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Decades of vets went out & sacrificed their lives so you can eat a McRib & complain about how much your country sucks.
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11-11-2011 16:06 by
SuthernFukr
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I'd like to thank the TSA for keeping Americans safe by taking that full-body scan naked photo of my Mom.
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11-11-2011 16:06 by
SuthernFukr
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