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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Dude! He just called you a thief! Oh HELL NO, hold his wallet!
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11-16-2011 21:41
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RIP: Occupy Wall Street. Go occupy a job now.
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11-16-2011 21:37
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Friends are like Snowflakes, If you pee on them they disappear.
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11-16-2011 20:40 by
Dr. Blazehawk
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I must assume that my cell phone is pro-choice based off the number of calls it has aborted!
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11-16-2011 20:13 by
eaglet1122
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it looks like the word "horseplay" has taken on a whole new meaning and has been essentialy ruined for life...thanks Sandscumsky
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11-16-2011 19:32 by
Bob
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If I was a rapper, I would use the stage name Gee Wizzy
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11-16-2011 19:11
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Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
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11-16-2011 18:36
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"Do I smoke?" Only when I'm on fire. Which happens much less often now that I've cut back on the whole Tequila and fireworks combo.
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11-16-2011 17:45
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That one minute party you have when the teacher leaves the room
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11-16-2011 17:22 by
tsparks
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If it's foggy out and you are driving without your headlights on, I pray you don't find a "good" parking space this holiday season.
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11-16-2011 17:21 by
Goodeolboy
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"theres plenty of fish in the sea"...apparently I'm looking where bp had an oil spill cause all I find is dirty ones
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11-16-2011 17:20 by
Eddy
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Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
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11-16-2011 17:19 by
tsparks
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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night and told the locals that one but the locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 18 and I'm 27. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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11-16-2011 16:21 by
Muzammil
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I swear my ex girlfriend has weekly workshops with the devil. I just don't know how much he pays her.
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11-16-2011 16:19 by
Deafness
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12 gold hoops, 11 fake uggs, 10 richmond kingsize, 9pm curfew, 8 snotty noses, 7 different dads, 6 grams of sniff, 5 sovereign rings, 4 stolen rims, 3 ASBOs, 2 many beers and a brand new S.T.D.
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11-16-2011 15:06
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"Hump Day" is a crock! I haven't been laid on a Wednesday since 2007!
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11-16-2011 14:37
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I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumb ass.
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11-16-2011 13:58
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smaller the breasts, better the eye contact
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11-16-2011 13:57 by
tsparks
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FACEBOOK" The second most popular word that starts with “F” and ends with “K”...
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11-16-2011 13:54 by
tsparks
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When people ask for candy I'm eating, I give them the flavor I don't like.
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11-16-2011 13:51 by
tsparks
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