Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear mom and dad, please stop telling me not to play with my food. You spent 3 years making airplane noises with it.

   Student driver signs are like putting a dunce hat on your car.

   (`-`) (._.) ('-' ) (._.) ( '-' ) (' -'), Oh excuse me! Just looking for a F*ck to give.

   God looked at Adam when Eve fell into the ocean and asked: "How am I gonna get that smell out of those fish??"

   What do Amish people and homeless people have in common? They can't read this.

   now when you go to a restaurant & say "im so hungry I could eat a horse" it might actually be on the menu

   I say we consolidate all ska bands into one giant ska band, unless that's what happened already.

   I'd like to put a big red bow on the coffin of the guy who came up with those Lexus ads.

   When you enter a relationship, it's as if you sign a contract that says, “I give you 70% of my feelings. I acknowledge that you can play with them, make them feel good, and I also acknowledge that you can freaking destroy them.”

   at the DMV....I guess there on the honor system...I'm 3 inches taller and I just lost 65lb's.

   Now appearing on center stage..the sweet...the delicious...miss Candy Cane.

   I promise to avoid all cliches like the plague.

   While stalking on facebook, everything seems fine until you accidentally like their post from 2009

   Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 F'in Muslims tried to ad me as a friend!

   I can see you need a bikini wax from here.

   I guess people "check in" anywhere huh??? surprised I haven't seen anyone check into their girlfriends vag!na

   The one good thing I experienced about eating at In & Out Burger is it helped get rid of that gum I swallowed several years ago.

   There will always be a song in our playlist which we always skip, but never delete ... *LIKE* this if agree :D

   says Ladies; if you don't know how to dance, just spell your name with your butt. Problem solved.

   The girlfriend gets the wallposts, the hoes get the inbox.