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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Nobody in Yemen likes the Flintstones. Which is funny, because people of Abu Dhabi do.
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11-22-2011 20:24
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This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from the Vegetarian Club. I was a bit confused, seeing how I'd never met herbivore.
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11-22-2011 20:19
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If I had a CrystalBall... I'd be very careful every time I sat down.
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11-22-2011 20:17
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Whenever I'm leaving the schools bathroom and I see the cleaning lady waiting,we exchange the knowing look that I just crapped in her office
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11-22-2011 20:03 by
@ericroflmao
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I'm a leader, not a follower.. Unless it's a dark place, then screw it, you're going first!
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11-22-2011 20:02 by
@ericroflmao
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My girlfriend wants something for Christmas that goes 0-200 in 3 seconds...So I think I will get her a scale.
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11-22-2011 19:41
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Chocolate helps everything..exept obesity..
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11-22-2011 19:39
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This holiday season, keep it green...smoke joints, not cigarettes.
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11-22-2011 19:26
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Me and all my old pals all reconnected over some beers last night! ...Besides, that AA meeting really made us all thirsty.
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11-22-2011 19:19
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I want to name a race horse "my face”, that way everyone will be shouting “come on my face!"
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11-22-2011 19:17
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#HeyWendy, stop naming every #cheeseburger after your dad. I don't need to know that he's 'hot n' juicy', it's weird.
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11-22-2011 19:12
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the odds of going to the store for one item, and coming out with only one item, are a billion to one.
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11-22-2011 19:10
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Turkey✓, Stuffing✓, Mashed potatoes✓, Pumpkin pie✓.... Pajama Jeans to stuff my fat ass in: PRICELESS.
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11-22-2011 19:08 by
RB1375
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Just unlocked level 315 on not giving a f*ck.
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11-22-2011 19:07 by
Marshall the Great
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Backwards is overrated. I want a girl who'll bend over frontwards for me.
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11-22-2011 19:06 by
Marshall the Great
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I believe in forgiveness. If someone hurt the ones I love... I'd probably kill that motherf*cker. But I'd forgive myself REALLY quick.
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11-22-2011 19:05 by
Marshall the Great
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"And the rest is history." -Lazy history teacher
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11-22-2011 19:04
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If your Facebook relationship status is "it's complicated" it's not really that hard to understand. Most of your friends have already figured out you're past the online formalities and are officially into stalking stage.
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11-22-2011 19:04
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My girlfriend asked me if I love Facebook more than I love her... I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't talk to people who don't like my statuses."
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11-22-2011 19:03 by
Marshall the Great
| Tags: Filtered
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Texting someone back while driving just means that you love them enough to actually die for them.
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11-22-2011 19:02
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