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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I Remember one christmas when I woke up to see my mom helping santa with his zipper.. jolly old santa.
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12-16-2011 16:35
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"My fingers smell like cheeseburger" is a statement that is bound to confuse others unless prefaced with a statement about having just eaten a cheeseburger. Otherwise, they just look at you like you're dirty.
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12-16-2011 16:34 by
eaglet1122
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Ugghhh ! I literaly just saw a chicken cross the road in front of my car,,, and FORGOT to stop and ask him why......... (Stupid,stupid,stupid,me)
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12-16-2011 15:49 by
snotty
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Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, look at phone, check Facebook…
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12-16-2011 15:05 by
BEGO
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Your breath smells so bad, I don't know whether to give you a tic tac or toilet paper…
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12-16-2011 15:03 by
BEGO
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Never trust a woman who takes pictures from the neck up.
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12-16-2011 14:26 by
@dj_soltrix
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V@gina jokes are not funny at all. Period.
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12-16-2011 14:20 by
Doc Noland
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On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.
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12-16-2011 14:07 by
SuthernFukr
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The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.
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12-16-2011 14:05 by
SuthernFukr
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I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee
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12-16-2011 13:06
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a dyslexic man walks into a bra
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12-16-2011 13:05
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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van.
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12-16-2011 13:04 by
Baddie
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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
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12-16-2011 13:04
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Your Girlfriend's not listening to you? There's a slap for that.
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12-16-2011 12:59 by
Baddie
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I always wonder why atheists don't spend as much questioning satan's existence.
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12-16-2011 12:43
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I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.
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12-16-2011 12:26 by
SuthernFukr
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You can always count on mom's to gasp in horror when you're about to hit a car that's 300 yards away.
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12-16-2011 12:25 by
SuthernFukr
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Just drunk enough to compose.. Just sober enough to backspace.
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12-16-2011 12:24 by
SuthernFukr
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Can any Chicago Bears ffans out there hook me up with an eight ball?
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12-16-2011 12:20 by
Frank
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Christopher Hitchens the brilliant journalist, author & famed atheist has died. If he's in Heaven now I bet Jesus is looking pretty smug.
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12-16-2011 12:09
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