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The Best Things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we KISS, CRY, and DREAM.
it's not a crutch, it's something i've come to rely on to help me through life
Pretending that the laser pointer app on your phone tells you if your kid brushed his teeth good enough..priceless!
96% percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
Im a bit more cautious when deleting my internet history. I thought it might look a bit suspicious that I haven't been on the internet for two years.
Drinking game: Take a shot or chug a beer everytime Tony Romo says "you know" during an interview or press conference.
Lazy rule # 538: I would rather carry 10 overloaded plastic bags in each hand than taking 2 trips to bring my groceries in
"do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this...ever
your not drunk till you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the earth
Fact: Guys don't like it when you compliment them on their gay apparel.
i have just woke up with 3 broken ribs, 2 black eyes,concussion,apparently when the wife asks whats on TV tonight, 6 inches of dust is not the right answer !!!!!!!
If you smile in Wal Mart and you have teeth everyone will think you're fancy.
TEACHER: what is the opposite of laughing? STUDENT: fu*king... TEACHER: why is that? STUDENT: well laughing is Ha Ha Ha and fu*king is Ah Ah Ah ....
look people It's spelled B-E-F-O-R-E, not B4... we speak English, not bingo
Santa I was not naughty, I was merely thinking outside the box!!
If a fat man in a red suit comes and grabs you and stuffs you into a bag, dont worry. He just read my wish list. :)
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing they just waved...Do you SEA what I did there?...I'm SHORE you did, BEACH.
Wow! Only seven more shopping days until it's Christmas! I wish that I could afford to buy each and every one of you a very expensive, extravagant gift! I wouldn't, but do I just wish I could afford to, if I wanted.
Sure it looks like an innocent candy cane now, but give me 5-7 minutes and it'll be a dagger I can take out my enemies with.
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