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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I hate people who make me nervous! Oh but I love making people nervous!
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12-29-2011 15:55
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OMG I just realized I haven't closely looked at the palm of my hand in like maybe 20 years ! Those white thingies are still under the skin all these years !
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12-29-2011 15:23
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Every picture of you, is of you when you were younger !
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12-29-2011 14:48
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I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel
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12-29-2011 14:30
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dear autocorrect...I actually did mean that I was "w*nki°g on the desk in my office" and not "working".
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12-29-2011 14:24
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We love Lesbians!!! We love Lesbians!!! ~ Jerry Springer Audience
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12-29-2011 14:07
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How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.
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12-29-2011 14:03
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The best place to hide a body is on page 2 of Google's search results
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12-29-2011 13:55
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After lesbians have sex, I bet there's an insane amount of not shutting up.
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12-29-2011 13:31
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Fellas: If most of you lazy b@stards handled your business well between the sheets there would be fewer lesbians in the world.
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12-29-2011 13:28 by
Reuben
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A man's weakness is women and a woman weakness is money.
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12-29-2011 13:09
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My plan this New Years Eve is to avoid people who have plans this New Years Eve.
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12-29-2011 13:05
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When you realize Facebook has made more changes than Obama...
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12-29-2011 12:52 by
Brianna
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I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings, I'm a drunk, we go to parties.
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12-29-2011 12:45
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twighlight did to vampires what brokeback mountain did to cowboys
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12-29-2011 12:33
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1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!
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12-29-2011 12:21 by
SuthernFukr
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1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!
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12-29-2011 12:21 by
SuthernFukr
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I toss and turn until 5 minutes before the alarm, then I drift peacefully off to sl--*beep*beep*beep*beep*!
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12-29-2011 12:08 by
SuthernFukr
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Nothing aggravates me more than to hear a career politician say, "I am not a career politician."
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12-29-2011 11:48 by
Timboss
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i may be drunk, but you're ugly, and I can sober up.. when I feel like it
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12-29-2011 11:48 by
Heard
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