BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I wish I had Kim Kardashian's talent of not having any talent and making money out of it.

   The woman who invented the phrase "All guys are the same" was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China.

   Be with someone you hide nothing from.

   The Best feeling ever: Waking up and seeing you still have a couple hours to sleep.

   My middle finger gets horny every time it sees you.

   I'm so tired of wanting the people who don't want me.

   I should be noticed as a hero, I save lives EVERY DAY...because there are people who need to be shot and I don't shoot them.

   A thief broke into my house last night searching for 'Money' .... So I woke up and started searching with him

   Hey girl, how about you dont tell me how much beer I should drink, and I wont tell you how much makeup you should wear.

   To be honest, I really don't give a damn. I lose friends, I make friends, and I make enemies everyday. Regardless, I'm still going to be me.

   Hoes looking for attention… Haters looking for a mention… Welcome to Facebook.

   The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing

   Apparently the “stop” button on Internet Explorer means “stop and also show me a blank useless screen regardless of what is visible when I press this button”

   Dear 'K", Thanks for being there for me when times get awkward. Sincerely, Got nothing to say.

   Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall.

   A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a tiger wood...

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is like calling me a doctor, because I own Band-aids.

   If there was an accepted currency worldwide, it would be Beer.

   Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.

   Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret Angels.