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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
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01-18-2012 20:20 by
Mickey
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I was thinkin,,,The obituaries section in the newspaper would be more interesting if they told you how the person died.
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01-18-2012 20:16 by
snotty
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My sofa loves playing hide n' seek with the remotes, clever ba$tard always wins too.
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01-18-2012 20:14 by
Mickey
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to make American Idol Auditons worth watching, everytime Randy says "yo" take a shot ot your favorite liquor.
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01-18-2012 20:13
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I'm wearing my pajamas and buying booze at 10 am on a Tuesday…Yeah,,I probably don't need a receipt
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01-18-2012 20:11 by
snotty
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When alcohol does it's taxes it claims me as a dependant.
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01-18-2012 20:11
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"Lets talk about safe IPs. Let's talk about piracy. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things on your PC."
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01-18-2012 20:08 by
Doc Noland
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I'm so old... I grew up in an era where you had to go to channel 3 to play video games.
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01-18-2012 20:08 by
snotty
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I would play right field and scratch my balls every night for way less than 5 mil a year.
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01-18-2012 19:58
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Gee honey, I would have taken the trash out.. But I slipped and fell into the lifeboat..
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01-18-2012 19:42 by
Timboss
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Sweetie, we cant afford to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. How bout instead, we pop in the DVD at home and I'll throw clocks and candlesticks at you while you watch it.
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01-18-2012 17:55
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Just bought a dream house. Barbie wasn't able to pay the morgage. Sucks to be her!
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01-18-2012 17:23
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getting stoned and trying to load the dishwasher is like real life Tetris.
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01-18-2012 17:01 by
fadolo
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I"VE HAD IT UP TO BEER WITH YOU!
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01-18-2012 16:59
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I'n flinnie and I ripoff Tim Siedell
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01-18-2012 16:40
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found out today that "too legit to give a sh*t" is not an appropriate answer to a judge's question "How do you plead?"
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01-18-2012 16:39
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Stop with the blank and blank that you idiot
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01-18-2012 16:25
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Yo Italian Cruise Ship... I'mma let you finish but Titanic had the best sinking of all time!!!
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01-18-2012 16:22 by
bryan j brown
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██ ████████ ██████ ██████████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ██████████ ██. ███ ███ This comment has been found in violation of H.R. 3261, S.O.P.A and has bee
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01-18-2012 16:21 by
@kdr2011
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Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.
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01-18-2012 16:20 by
srpdrzman
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