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i hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan... 
If I were a cop......Just as I get ready to taze someone I would say..............pikaaaaaaaaaa.........................CCCCHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OBAMA State Of the Union Address tonight!!! It is going to literally knock your Taxes off!!
The number one song on the day I was born was "Who cares" by the "Waste of times".
Can you smoke stem cells?
I think you women are on to something...shoe shopping does make you feel better!!
Almost time for the "Teleprompters State of the union speech".
I lost my watch.. cant remember when!...
its goin to be drizzy outside.......so expect a lil wayne
No I didn't want a receipt but now that you've asked me I'm suspicious, so yes, I will have that receipt now please.
Can't believe it's the Chinese New Year. I'm still writing Rabbit on all of my checks.
I find it difficult to believe Newt Gingrich could be an effective president. He couldn't even manage to catch those dag old Duke boys.
Congrats to Jay Cutler, soon to be Dad... Just goes to show that he cant get protection on or off the field.
Bathroom mirrors are either the luckiest or the unluckiest objects in the house
你有時間嗎？..Sorry, No Hablo Espanol.. .
The national debt is now the same as the U.S. economy. Obama really did balance the budget.
The difference between Humans and Chimpanzees is about 600 genes. The difference between mormon and moron is one letter.
behind every successful man is a woman that didn't marry me.
According to never-before published medical research, 97.8% of all relationships end while one or more partners is suffering from PMS. The other 2.2% is g@y men breaking up.
Follow your dreams............ Unless you're a killer. 