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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I wish I had a "friend with benefits." By benefits I mean they would own an ice cream store, and the benefits would be free ice cream.
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01-22-2012 16:00 by
Mickey
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I bought a used sex doll. I like a woman with experience.
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01-22-2012 15:19 by
Baddie
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My iPhone just auto-corrected "I will be home shortly" to "I wish I was single"
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01-22-2012 15:14 by
Czovczov
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Some people's morning breath is an effective form of birth control.
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01-22-2012 15:09
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My girlfriend said I should get the same hairstyle as Justin Bieber. So I shaved off my pubic hair.
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01-22-2012 15:07
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Declining a Facebook friend request is one of the finer moments in life.
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01-22-2012 15:05
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Steven Tyler singing the national anthem proves he needs a band behind him....he cannot sing.
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01-22-2012 15:05 by
K-Mac
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Think she might leave you? Take pictures of her naked in case she does.
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01-22-2012 15:03
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I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
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01-22-2012 15:02
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I've heard that the hardest part of Rollerblading is telling your parents that you're gay.
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01-22-2012 15:01
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If you google "Republican Debate" your computer starts to yawn.
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01-22-2012 14:58
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If you see any grown man with beads at the end of his braids, please knock his azz TF out
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01-22-2012 14:39
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They might as well start teaching texting while driving in driver's education classes.
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01-22-2012 14:00
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Your beer goggles say she's a 9, but my BROnoculars say she's a 3.
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01-22-2012 13:56
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Ed Hardy makes the "find the douchebag" game really easy.
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01-22-2012 13:49
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Makeup, soda, sandwich, texting, talking, then I realized she was driving the car in front of me, in traffic.
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01-22-2012 13:10 by
Jerry Carter
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I only like foods that begin with the word "cheesy".
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01-22-2012 13:02 by
SuthernFukr
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In porn, large breasted women home alone order a LOT of pizza and never have money. They've lots to learn about nutrition & cash management.
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01-22-2012 13:00 by
SuthernFukr
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Need to call in a hot female carpenter to fix this morning wood.
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01-22-2012 12:58 by
SuthernFukr
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"They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days
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01-22-2012 12:58 by
SuthernFukr
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