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Manicure might have the word "Man" in it, but if you get one, you're gay. 
If I really lived every day like it's my last, I would have diabetes and multiple STD's.
"We have a history" = "we used to have sex"
I'm so pissed Michael Jackson never had a chance to molest Justin Bieber.
Please understand that my "May attend" response to your Facebook Event is my polite way of saying “Hell no”
did anyone else notice that many passengers on the Concordia cruise ship said that it was like a scene out of the Titanic? I've been asking myself which 1 and now I've limited it down to 2 options-The steaming car scene and the nude portrait one. Must be!
Poor decisions should be rated on a scale of 1 to Charlie Sheen.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your "like" becomes.
I just ate a yogurt that expired two weeks ago ! ..................... Now I'm waiting ??
I could eat Gandhi's sandals right now I'm so effin hungry.
wondering if the US Government gets the irony of trying to pass laws that limits their own citizens access on the internet whilst at the same time criticizing the governments of China & Iran for doing the same thing.
When your clean you use SOAP, when your dirty you use SOPA.......
How wonderful the world is, when your in it !
If facebook gets shutdown will Tom send me my password from Myspace back?
We were so close, I never noticed I had been deleted as a friend.
I have a question for all government officials and anyone who supports SOPA/PIPA. Do you really want to piss off ALL those hackers all at once?
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Women on fb. They "Poke" you a hundred times a day. Then they find Mr. Perfect for the millionth time and then disappear...until the big breakup a week later...then the Pokes start up again. DELETE!
You can only put the wheels on a wagon so many times, then it's time for a new wagon!
Maintaining a Facebook page for your dog is an easy way to let all your friends know you're crazy.
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