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Today marks Valentine's Day of Silence…..it is for women who did not receive flowers, chocolates, cards etc....on Valentine…. 
if the storage wars guyz priced hoarders stuff....well...helloooo mr rockefeller..cha ching
Having trouble getting onto your horse? Simply ride up beside it on your giraffe and then jump down.
hardcore pawn jus hired an ape whisperer, things should be looking up
i'd be willin to bet not one of those swamp people EVER thought they'd have their own show
If you fart while you're peeing on your significant other, it's called a golden thunderstorm.
There was an Amber Alert the other day. I thought it meant that the stores were out of beer.
if you're still waiting for your chocolate....you're dating a cheap a-hole.
The Beach Boys reunited at the Grammys. They're headed out on tour for their 50th anniversary. Now when they sing about surfing, they mean surfing the Internet for discounted prostate medication.
Recent studies suggest that balding people have cooler heads, opposite socks still fit, and red crayons break easier then blue ones... (@_@)
i like to keep a bag of hair in my car, it distracts them from the drug search
in my world...staple guns = curtain rods
The book "Women For Dummies" would have a picture of my Ex on it.
hey kids, come on and put your tin foil hats on so you wont get wet in this electrical storm
Sometimes when I see ugly people at the gym I think, "What's the point? You can't workout the face."
hardcore pawn...more like, when animals attack
If she asks you to be in an open relationship, tell her to walk out that open door. She's a slut.
My dentist just said I'm getting a crown! I must have been a *super* good patient today.
i guess the "forever lazy" suit is appropriately named since it looks like you were too lazy to care youre in public in your pajamas
No one is happier that a fat and ugly b!tch chosen to be the assistant of the day on Dr Oz show. 