BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating!

   What doesn't kill you, leaves you alive for something else that will.

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   Trust me, as you get to know me, I just get weirder.

   If Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

   Unfriended me? Wow, you sure showed m

   How to kill a Spider: Get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.

   If I text you all like.. "heyy :)" and you reply with "hi", I'm done taking to you..

   Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.

   My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.

   The new iPhone 5 will totally revolutionize the way I send all of your calls straight to voicemail.

   I need Google in my brain and Anti-Virus in my heart.

   I was hoping Apple would replace Siri with Morgan Freeman on the iPhone 5

   Who the hell still calls in to request a song on the radio?

   I would probably buy the iPhone5 if it kept me from drunk dialing my exes.

   An apple fan walks into a bar.. Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more..

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   I don't have a problem with idiots… I have a problem with the fact they they have an internet connection.

   Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is retarded. Every time you sharpen it: "Cool to Do Drugs" "Do Drugs" and "Drugs"

   If I forget my iPhone when going to the bathroom, I don't care if its the directions on toothpaste, I'm reading it.