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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I'm so old I remember when teens getting pregnant meant "PANIC!" not "Congratulations, you get your own MTV show!"
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02-20-2012 21:47 by
@beaubridwell
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my ex was so fat she used to but her belt on with a boomerrang
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02-20-2012 21:42 by
Migasjoe
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hey ladies, fallin' head over heels in love only happens in your 20's.. After that the best you can hope for is heels over head
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02-20-2012 21:40
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With pants sagging as low as yours, what do you plan on doing if you suddenly get into a brawl? Cuz I'm going to pants the sh** outta you and run!!!!
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02-20-2012 21:38 by
Rush
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Phone on silent. 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest. Nobody calls All damn Day.
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02-20-2012 21:25 by
BEGO
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A bad picture of you, and your automatic response is… “Don't put that on Facebook!”
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02-20-2012 21:24 by
BEGO
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Getting back with an ex is pretty much like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
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02-20-2012 21:23 by
BEGO
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Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
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02-20-2012 21:22 by
BEGO
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asked my sister inlaw were is my nephew she says my brothers nutsack. lol
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02-20-2012 21:07
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why doesnt a car dealer run for office? they lie & cheat the ppl to get our money already
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02-20-2012 20:30 by
Eddy
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I'm going to start putting girls in the friendzone.. See how they like it!
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02-20-2012 20:25 by
Lugo
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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02-20-2012 20:14 by
@beaubridwell
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I fell off the bed in the middle of it and she yelled "5 second rule" and kept doing it. I think I'm in love...
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02-20-2012 20:11
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If you ever find yourself driving through a neighborhood and you smell bologna cooking on the grill, keep driving.
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02-20-2012 18:44 by
flinnie
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I will never be brave enough to be a Navy Seal or one of those people who buy things supposedly edible in 99 Cent Only Stores
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02-20-2012 18:41 by
flinnie
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's called lunar assault & it isn't funny
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02-20-2012 18:41 by
flinnie
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Tattoos are like cats. You get one, then you have to get another, then you get more and more until you have to get rid of them using lasers.
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02-20-2012 17:12 by
Aaron
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Apparently, I can't say "Blak paint!" any more. I have to be PC and say, "Please paint that wall, Leroy."
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02-20-2012 15:24 by
fadolo
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if 10% is good enough for God is should definitely be good enough for the IRS!
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02-20-2012 15:20
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Never trust someone that has 0 text messages in their phone.
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02-20-2012 15:06 by
@DonSicks
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