Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nobody ever wants to give BiPolar people credit for being really great half the time.

   Alec Baldwin's narration voice is a symphony of creepy. He makes a floating glacier sound like a pedophile drifting into a playground.

   How is it when you're in kindergarten you don't want to take a nap, but in all the schools above elementary you would kill for one?

   Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life? Well then by MY calculations,, I died in 1853

   Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. When it rang I'd pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I'm still alive.

   You guys are tearing up Tebow more than his Priest!

   A blind man at a nudist colony is having more fun than me right now.

   Im gonna get a bloodhound just so I know when to stay away from home once a month.

   Michael Bay is changing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into aliens?! Doesnt that make them Teenage Alien Intergalactic Ninja Turtles, then? (TAINT)

   You are about as much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

   if you invest in a good industrial grade cheese grater, you can save a ton of money on pedicures.

   some people just gotta have that daily dose of drama

   you can buy shoes, cloths, etc.. but you can't put a price tag on respect

   My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.

   I think I'm a good judge of people...that's why I don't like none of 'em.

   Hey friends..... if I really wanted to "Branch Out"...... I would drink a Jagerbomb with a Miracle Grow chaser!

   BREAKING NEWS: Tim Tebow is no longer a virgin after being screwed by the Denver Broncos....

   If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you.

   My bracket is destroyed. I had Inga, Bjorn, and Johan in my Swede 16.

   The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.