Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The worst thing about dating a dragon with a girl tattoo is how I would never shut up about it.

   Hey astronauts, find something with eyeballs or don't come back. Enough is enough.

   I want to go to Australia so I can wear shorts with a cowboy hat yet remain straight.

   It's a Good thing Tim Tebow is a mobile Quarterback because Denver is gonna move his Ass out.

   I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning, I was trying to get up off of the floor this without putting down my beer.

   Hard to believe we once all had phones physically attached to a wall. When it rang we'd pick it up without knowing who was calling… And it did not send or receive text messages... How Amazing! We all survived those times and we're still alive…

   If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you! (The Confirmation Service, 1-800-I-CONFIRM)

   If you're STUPID enough to vote for someone because of a celebrity endorsement plese delete yourself from my friends list...Thank you.

   I sleep naked, I don't care what the stewardess say's.

   It took a Jimmy Carter to give us a Ronald Reagan!

   For God's sake! It would be nice if people with lazy eyes would put a Post-it flag on the eye they want me to look at when we're talking... I keep switching back and forth..

   The ability to get Pregnant is a Genetic trait. Scientific evidence shows that if your Parents never had any Children then neither will you...

   I am really getting tired of everytime I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.

   Told the 7-11 clerk if I win on this lotto scratcher, I'd share. Now here I stand, $2 richer, trying to explain to him I lied.

   Nothings worse than Single BicheZ talkin bout they Wife Material.. Thats like saying you Management material but Unemployed!

   'Erotic Thriller' always sounds better than 'Terrible Film.'

   Crushed ice, needs to be placed higher on a pedastool.

   Even that crack on the wall becomes more interesting when you're meant to be studying.

   Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.

   sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.