Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "You must be out yo damn mind" = your behavior is very unorthodox and very contradictory towards my wishes

   "A car with a spoiler is approaching." - Spoiler Alert

   You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed.

   Dear Karma, There seems to be a serious issue with your records keeping software. Please work on that... and I expect a full refund.

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper. It goes a lot faster when you get close to the end.

   With the larger amount of stupid people I get to deal with on a daily basis, I thought lobotomies came back in style .

   Gone are the days that girls cooked like their mothers, because these days they drink like their fathers

   I have inside jokes with complete strangers....

   Some people are worth holding on to. Some people are worth letting go. Most people are just a waste of space.

   The best things to laugh at are the things deep down we know we shouldn't be........ 

   Snooki sugned a deal to sell her own perfume. I'm totally gonna buy it because I want to smell like Jager and illiteracy.

   Success is 'high fiving' the blinking hand after you've crossed the street.

   I believe aliens are real. If I didn't, I would seriously question my mental health cuz SOMEBODY'S been mowing my lawn on a weekly basis.

   I got the moves like Jagger! I got the moves like Jagger! I got the...oh, here's the bathroom.

   Don't you hate when you buy a bag of air and you find some chips in it?

   What do you get the girl who has everything? A round of antibiotics is probably a good place to start.

   Someone really, really needs to tell Gramma this planking thing was just a fad.

   I was sitting here trying to collect my thoughts, then I realized I don't have any.

   If you don't like bacon, you should be on a government watch list.

   just discovered an addictive app, see y'all in 2015