Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So. I don't see you for months and now you pop up and expect me to take care of you?? OK, fine. I'll start up the mower....stupid grass...

   If this burglar can avoid tripping & bashing his skull open while my cats circle his feet,,, I'll help him load my belongings into his car.

   Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don't stare.. Unless you're wearing sunglasses.

   Went horseback riding today..Wind blowing my hair, it was a pretty good ride!! Until I ran out of quarters n the Walmart greeter kicked me out

   I now have a strong dislike for Illinois, Kansas, and Maryland. Maybe if we're lucky they cheated like on Willy Wonka!!!

   "Pearl Jam" is my finishing move

   ...I see no need to flaunt My individual sense of personal and social identity based on my attraction as a Heterosexual male..(",)

   When I win the Mega Millions, I'm gonna spend it on cigars, booze, women & a new Harley. The rest I'll probably waste.

   Money spent on shoes cannot buy booze.

   My hands are so soft and warm that when I accidentally touch myself, I end up naked and spread-eagle on the kitchen bar. Room mate hates it.

   So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.

   Kiss her hello, kiss her goodbye, and kiss her for any other reason in between.

   Ladies,, if you've ever accidentally called a fax machine,,,, you know exactly what listening to your stories sounds like to men.

   I know ..., I'm just like the rest of you. I completely misjudged 'Ice loves Coco'

   Seen on a Deathstar bathroom wall: "For a good time, call Padme Amidala... Oops, too late."

   Oh you got your middle finger up in your profile pic? You mother must be really proud of a job well done raising you.

   I always cry at the end of Shawshank Redemption because Andy never finished carving that chess set.

   I won the lottery, then I woke up!

   I am coming mom, I am on Stalkbook, I mean Facebook.

   There is a person out there for everyone.... Your person just happens to be five cats