Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon This morning's poke war just serves to reaffirm my belief that I am too pretty for prison.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 15:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon TIP: A quick way to get your kids out of bed is to go in their room and shout, "What the Heck?!! There are deer in our backyard!! "
←Rate | 03-31-2012 15:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 15:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that I have the Facebook timline it looks like I didn't exist before 2009, when, in fact, that's when I stopped existing!
←Rate | 03-31-2012 15:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Karl Marx was wrong,, Religion is not the opiate of the masses... Facebook is.. Also Angry Birds...and Draw Something
←Rate | 03-31-2012 15:16 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my teenage son needs a lesson in humility I take him to the grocery store and make him go in and buy toilet paper, tampons, Preparation H, Vagisil and anti-diarrhea medication and make him pay for it with change.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didnt win the mega millions. But if you did I LOVE YOU!
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look you asked me to be your child's Godfather so don't get pissed at me because I taught him how to break knees and collect debts.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a mishap while making coffee just now that is best explained through interpretive dance...
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have a lot of children living on our street, so I try to caution speeders by bouncing an old tricycle off their windshield.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew that the reality TV show Survivor was a sham the minute I noticed that the women still had smooth legs and arm pits after day 6.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental butt dial like I'm in an FBI van.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Irony = Someone posting a status about how broke they are and at the bottom of their post it says: 8 minutes ago via iPad2
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Decided to have an Easter egg hunt this year. The golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. Who said we were too old for Easter?!?
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Newton's laws say that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, proving he knew nothing about women.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suggestion for Mark Zuckerberg: When someone defriends me on Facebook, a picture of my bare ass pops up on their screen.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Come on down! You're the next contestant on STFU!
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If ANY OF YOU were to invite me to come over and hang out inside of your pillow fort all day, I would be there - with booze.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, Facebook ticker, I don't need to know which Yahoo articles my friends have read. What's next, a detailed report of what everyone Googles in real time? No thank you!
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people deserve to get eggs thrown at them. Brick shaped eggs....made of bricks.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 13:18 by @AdEpTxNiNjA Comments (0)  



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