doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Auto correct is like having a 4 year old play mad-libs with your email.

   wondering, can I still use the big stall if my handicap is being emotionally crippled?

   Just winked at myself in a mirror and physically felt the soul leave my body.

   Hey Old Navy Mannequins, stop trying so hard, you're embarrassing yourself.

   Rebecca Black is pregnant... she should have gotten in the front seat, not the back seat.

   hoping to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday.

   has Finally figured out the difference between us. You're me if I tried too hard!

   wondering, would It be fun if we started calling gynecologists, "tw@t dentists".

   knows if you like drunk girls in high heels, you may also be attracted to newborn ponies

   its sad when fat girls lose weight only to discover they dont have a pretty face.

   I never wear cologne to an important meeting. I bench an old fridge 10x & let my jungle pheromones show them who's boss.

   just saw a beautiful pregnant woman on crutches. He immediately has a deeply ingrained lifetime fetish.

   just found 2 new nooks and 7 new crannies on his grandmother this morning.

   ate broccoli twice yesterday and now his car smells like a mobile crematorium that only cooks buttholes.

   just ate a Kit Kat and a multivitamin, like a F'n American!

   noticed that while someone is speaking to him, 80% of his inner dialouge is wondering if his face looks interested

   was thinking tonight, if your parents sent you to school with a giant "lunchable" pack for your lunch everyday, they didnt love you

   walking by the gas price sign at the Gas station and remembers the day when he could afford to drive to the gas station for his slushy

   If I dont see you this Easter, Hide your own balls

   read tha Tiger Woods has a new Girlfriend who is 22 years old...does she not watch the news