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Ever find out your wiper wash is empty AFTER you have smeared bug guts all over your windshield? 
I saw my massivly fat neighbor girl waddling out to her smart car with a few of her hefty friends, I guess the cows were going to a mooooovie or something.
so....I've decided I'm going to write the first Gangsta Rap adaptation of Winnie-The-Pooh....I'm gonna call it 'Tigga Please'....
"Entertainment News" is a strange way to spell gossip.
when someone says "no offense".. prepare to be offended
A woman is like a wine: the less classy, the more you can see its box
Did you know ?? If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.... Medical fact.
I'm no architect,,, but I DON'T think it's possible to build a city on rock and roll.
Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have 5 fingers And the middle one's for YOU.,
Keep me in mind. Somewhere down the road you might get lonely.
As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.
You know sex is on the menu when she slingshots her bra across the room.
Gals, if you take a shower with your boyfriend, by the time you get out, your boobs will be sparkling clean.
A ‘bad' woman is exciting and she's the kind of woman a man never gets tired of being around.
No one man has done more to bring peace to mankind than the inventor of coffee.
In life, people who deserve nothing usually end up getting everything.
I'm getting a seeing eye dog and never looking up from my phone again.
I've got a time machine. I get in and it takes me seven hours into the future. I call it… bed.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough 